Saturday was the big move and proved to be a nightmare as all van rental companies in London shut at 12 noon on Saturdays. There was no way I could shift my things to Ramsgate, Kent and back in that short space of time without being charged for a two day rental and returning the van on a Monday. The God's spoke in my hour of need and I was recommended a 'Man with a Van' who turned out to be money well spent. For £95 this lovely Lithuanian man would shift my things, drive it 2.5 hours to Kent, unload the other end and I didn't even have to go with him. This would leave me to die in peace with the flu back in London.
So I booked his time and at 4:45pm he showed up and by 5:15pm he was off with all my things and £100 cash. I was slightly concerned I might have just given this guy all my worldly belongings and money to enjoy all things back in Lithuania with his family; but he turned out to be a diamond. All my things reached my friends farm safely and was stored away for the months to come. A massive thanks to the 'C' family for all their help and support.
My Mom called me last night. 'You will have to excuse me, I am a little out of it as I threw my back out and had to take a pain pill.' Which translates to: I took the pain pill and I washed it down with beer and I am drunk. I am not a fucking moron, and I am still unsure why my Mom still tries to cover up her drinking with me. Infuriating.
I manged to get her off the phone. But then she called back with 'exciting news' that she found the original shutters for the house in the attic and kept comparing them to 'David' Lloyd Wright in style. I was unsure how 1904 Victorian shutters compared with the designs of FRANK Lloyd Wright, but I was too tired to argue so just corrected her on his name and pushed the conversation on.
My Mom, still unaware I am coming home, decided to have her twice yearly rant about how I should move back to the States. By the end of the call I was laying in the fetal position nauseous. 'Its time for you to come home Rox. Enough is enough. Its been almost a decade and I am sick of this, you need to come home where you belong. You're not London. Everything in your life there is temporary. That is why I never ask who you are dating or what you have been up to, because its all temporary and it's not you. You are never going to get married and have a baby if you stay there. No one wants to be with you in England; they only see you as an 'American token' girlfriend. You need to come home and get back to the roots of Roxy where you belong. Enough is enough, come home!'
What she doesn't realize is that I am sitting in an empty flat on my new bed, the couch, with my mattress in storage ready to fly to the U.S. next Tuesday. However, after these types of conversations I get the fear massively and wonder why I am returning to close proximity to these nonsupportive nutters. The thing I have to remember is this journey is not about them, its about me and not to buy into all their drama.
I went to bed that night and dreamt that I was about to have sex with my x boyfriend, but he asked if I would do MDMA with him first. He went away and came back with a huge sack of drugs and spilled this brownish powder all over me. It never happened though... he was too high to concentrate...(typical I don't even get action in my sleep!)
I woke up after a terrible nights sleep to my uncle in London calling with encouraging words for my journey: Rox, if there is one bit of advice I can offer you without sounding too philosophical, is to take responsibility for your own life. If its one thing I have learned from from all the good and bad shit throughout my life is this. I didn't play for England because I didn't have the technical skill to; I didn't play because I didn't have the confidence to and I didn't take responsibility for my own shit. I can't blame my Mum or that horrible bastard at Leicester City, I should have taken responsibility for my own life and confidence back then. You have so many fantastic qualities Rox, go and fall in love with Roxy! Kick ass babe.'
Music I am listening to: Oasis 'Cigarettes and Alcohol'
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